Watching Paint Dry.

Routine has returned to the Smith household and there is some solace in knowing from one day to the next what will happen. Last Thursday I went to the NW UMC clinic for my first round of chemo treatment, given intravenously. I have a port-a-cath surgically inserted near my collar bone, making it much easier for the nurses to get all their lines into me relatively simply - the poke still hurts. The medication has become far less complicated although I've added Lovenox injections - blood thinner twice a day and Tarceva -an oral chemo drug. And then the big daddy, Gemcitabine, once a week while at the clinic. The nausea pills are still there, although I've grown fond of some that seem to work better. Chris gives me the shot and is doing a great job. It's finding fat in my tummy that is the hard part - the site for the shot. (There has to be something said for such a problem but I can't think of it just right now.)



The main side effect for this round has been fatigue, always sleepy and easily out of energy. Today, I painted the front door, and watched it dry most of the day from the couch - my kind of day.

Bye, Bye Blackberry

Blackberry went off line for me from work over two months ago and do I show any wear from it? No longer are dates as important, especially if I forget to write them in my converted 2006 day planner. So sorry if I've missed your birthday; my day planner just doesn't have that feature. Scheduled meetings for the most part are doctor visits or any other professionals who happen to be kind enough to have handed me a scheduled appointment card. I no longer have a cell phone, so that trip down I-10 is safer from accidents but nobody knows where the hell I am! My 2000+ contacts have all but become a handful of memorized phone numbers. My world has shrunk to post-it notes with numbers and names that I can't read without my glasses. Internet maps and tips on where the nearest Coldstone Creamery have disappeared from my life like it was really never there -right. My network has all but been replaced by a land line message machine that never displays the right time, gives wrong dates and won't let me listen to recent messages without cuing through what the machine reports to be something like seven but really is seventeen messages I must listen to first. Oh, I will get to your message... that's if I can find that message pad, pen and my glasses. All of this nonsensical silly talk I guess is making a point for me- staying connected just doesn't happen; you need a network, and I think I have part of the answer found in this Blog (so please, since the rest of my communication world is in shambles pass along this link where you can) but a Blackberry would be nice -don't you think?

Surreal

Aly and Rachel came to visit us in February and both did a good job in getting me ready for the first round of radiation and chemo that was to follow. I have visited with a lot of people in the last little while and what is extraordinary about this experience is how very different it is from the normal. It is much like stepping through the mirror in a Disney movie and experiencing surreal events that make people into super heroes, where time and people's schedules seem to fit better for talking and living, laughing and loving, where silly dances are ok and even breaking out into song is permitted - like in the movie Mamma Mia. Within the span of several months I have visited with all my family members excluding my brother and each have been visits that have been candid, rich and meaningful (Peter: I'm saving the housepainting project for you).

In the last several months Sophia has met and started along the path of a lifetime relationship with her sisters that flowered before our eyes as if in the Wizard of Oz movie she had found the yellow brick road. It's like I lived James Stewart's role in "It's a Wonderful Life" where people - through cards, words, acts of kindness - have reached out to me and expressed their appreciation for me I never expected or even deserved.



The confidence I have in beating this disease comes from many sources, one such obvious place is how this story is unfolding, so many pieces of a puzzle having come together it can't help but be the making of a great movie - with a happy ending. My heart rejoices every day from the healing and growth I see around me. Don't get me wrong: Cancer is not fun, but people, the last four months have been one of the most precious times in my life. And I have you to thank for that.

The Brits are Coming!

Valerie and I are cousins. Valerie's father and my mother are twins who, with their families, have lived across "the great pond" from each other for most of our lives. Valerie and her husband Neal came to our wedding and I was proud to have Neal as a groomsman standing next to me. Although distant in miles, Valerie has done a remarkable job of keeping us all informed and has really been the linchpin to keeping our families connected, so I was not surprised that after learning of my illness, she hatched a plan of getting over to see her cousin and do what she could to help out.

Monday they arrived, and by Wednesday, the back, front, and side yards were cleaned up, the pool was clean, and the extra treatment to the windows gave the Smith household its spring cleaning enviable of any professional service. Neal and Valerie went grocery shopping and besides keeping me full with liquids ( Neil even tried carrot juice) with meals like salmon, steak, lemon chicken my weight rocketed 10 pounds. Thank you so much. Sasha, Valerie and Neal's daughter (21) flew into town over the weekend (she is a professional singer) and we visited and went out to BJ's for even more fun and food. They all left today so the house is really quiet and the meal choices have returned to things like frozen lasagna.

Perspective: My polar bear story one session back had Chris and I in the hospital Friday night. Valerie and Neal arrived the following Monday night and at the time it seemed the farthest thing to what I needed or I was able to do in having visitors. How wrong was I. Their love, effort to help, companionship of kindred spirit, devotion and love to Chris, Sophia and all our family - in all gave us such a warm gift. They are now up touring the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas, the Bay Area, then down the Pacific Highway to LA before flying home. God keep them safe; they are good people.

Polar Bears

My absence from my blog I hope was noticeable and a little worrisome to most of you. What was becoming routine was harder to do each day and even with the expert care of my daughter Brittany I was sliding backwards. Two days from my last treatment of radiation and chemo I collapsed somewhere between the bed and bathroom. Not a big deal in my mind since I've taken hard checks in hockey - as recently as last October I'd like to add - but what lingered was a worrisome ache I soon learned was a kidney stone. Chris drove me to ER - 39 hours later I was in a hospital bed. Oh yeah, I now have blood clots in my chest... seemed that check I got must have been "high sticking to the chest." Did anyone get his number? Eight days later I was out of the hospital. And really other than no longer any kidney stone pain, I had no energy, I was sleep deprived, no appetite, 10 pounds lighter, I basically was a used dish rag wanting to crawl under a rock. Chris and I (oddly on another Friday night) contemplated going back to the hospital which we finally did for six hours - this time the doctors convincing me I was not going to fade away, as my energy seemed just enough to keep me breathing. Well I did find that rock and with a lot of support I slept for 20 hours a day and eventually found my way back to life.


Like a great Canadian Polar Bear waking from hibernation, I've pushed winter behind me and am now feeling better, poising myself for next great adventure.


I don't want to go too far along in my story without stopping to speak of Polar Bears again. Some of you know I am very fond of them and there have been a few anecdotes of polar bear swims on my part to mimic these cold water creatures. My daughter Brittany took on a fund raising challenge up in Canada to raise money for the increasing expenses we are enduring with my illness and her flight to come to Tucson and visit. It was with great humility and thankfulness on my part that Brittany raised enough money to not only fund her trip but she handed us an $800 cheque. Many from Canada stepped forward to help and I honestly have wept in gratitude over this, feeling that the Grace of God is a part of my story where I didn't expect it. Thank you.


The next adventure, round two of chemotherapy, starts next week, three weeks on followed by one week off for 12 weeks. Each week is only once a week, so I hesitate to say, but it sounds like a piece of cake.


Just to give you a wellness update, when I was in the hospital I had lots of tests, and there is no sign of any tumor, although the CA 19-9 tumor marker is still very high in my blood. So it's still there; it's just not forming any tumors.