Pills and Barf

Prilosec - one every morning; Reglan -one at every meal and at bed; Pancreatic enzymes -three at every meal; Xeloda - four in morning, three at dinner (that's the "chemo"); Methadone 3 x's per day; Vicodin - as needed; Paxil one per day; Ativan one/two per day; Zofran every six hours; Promethazine/Granisetron one every six hours (under review); Compazine -one every six hours; Dexamethasone - one every six hours around the clock. About 45 pills per day.


Monday night nausea steady until I take my evening reglan - up comes lunch and at least 500 ml of GATORADE. Not going to be any dinner tonight. Never do feel good, find a way to sleep through it. Tuesday morning "shreddies" cereal manages to stay down, swallow down the prilosc, reglan, pancreatic enzymes, and four xeloda with the granisetron radiation stabilizer. Drive myself to radiation, ask for a barf bag, but manage my way through radiation , back home. About 10 am take the group of pills I take every six hours (nausea and pain) and hold my breath. Nausea remains but sleep overtakes giving me some relief. I wake up feeling sick again, but this time I need to get to the bathroom. Who needs the details, right. Manage through the night -no sleep and feel the same Wednesday morning. I ask to see the doctor after radiation. Two more pills are added to my list and I head to Walgreens to fill them. Both these seem to help, at least I'm not throwing up any more. I'm not having a good week. At one point I told Chris I thought I was pregnant. One other tidbit, nothing like getting close to the toilet to know it needs cleaning. Our toilets have never looked as pristine.

Oh, yeah, now I can't sleep. One more script added -46 pills and counting.

Angels

"Holding on to Angels' Wings" has been my whisper of hope as I stepped into this unknown and scary world of beating cancer. As a young person my faith was strong and my voice rang with assurance that God would protect me from life's misery yet in spite or despite this naive view life's tough lessons along the way have taught me God does a lot more shepherding than protecting. Understanding God's mercy is very perplexing. But rather than get stuck on this point I accept in faith God knows best. I am thankful for all your prayers of intercession on my behalf. The day to day care I've experienced has been evidence of God's shepherding, and there are no finer shepherds than nurses.


I've always had great appreciation for nurses, their training and professionalism. My time in the hospital both with pancreatitis and having the whipple surgery gave me first hand an appreciation for nursing being a vocation. With their humanness and empathy towards the human spirit, their readiness to do anything to help, I felt as if angels were holding me close. Not always was I cooperative, in fact at times I shamefully must say I was combatant, yet each nurse did their job with the utmost respect for me. From Jennifer, Raphael, Heather ...... You know one tool that struck me was their human touch. From holding my hand, a lingering rub of my shoulder, to physically lifting, nurses connect with you in a physical way. It's a contact sport. Not in a perverse way, sadly this notion has all but banned touching in the human service and teaching fields but to have permission to connect as humans through touch is remarkable. Let's just say I've turned into a hugging kind of guy -holding on to angels every chance I get.