Nausea..... no fun.

One of the relaxation images I have been using is a rolling wave rising up to meet a sandy beach with spray and sounds that cascade down a jagged shoreline. Now such images only make me want to vomit.


Big time nausea has entered my recovery experience with a capital "N." The wave image is now problematic. Now it's a perfect metaphor for my mounting nausea as the week progresses, Monday's radiation swells into a sea that by Friday has me crashing to a porcelain toilet.


Thankfully my doctor this week prescribed a new pill for me called, granisetron that I should take 30 minutes before my radiation. Like getting my sea legs, today's post treatment feeling was manageable, although I'm not ready to visit an ocean seashore anytime soon.

You have Cancer.......

I remember being told by a doctor that "we won't give you bad news over the phone but ask you to come in". I got that call Friday afternoon, five days after the arthroscopic pancreatic ultrasound and a biopsy. The news was expected and the event really was anti-climactic having been pretty much prepped by every bed side visit my doctors made since I first got to the hospital. Three weeks of pancreatitis, elevated CA 19 readings and a stubborn unwillingness from my pancreas to settle down werethe first clues. I would have preferred to be on an episode of "House" that within the hour would have discovered that obviously cancer was wreaking havoc; however, medicine I discovered, is built on what you know - endless diagnostic tests eventually proved this. I got a copy of the hospital bill paid again by United,,,, $154,000 for my stay at North West Hospital. I would be the first to say that I got my money's worth but in stark contrast to the monetary business mission hospitals follow what struck me was how the staff, doctors, nurses were totally under a different calling.




The "hospitalist," Dr. Schoenhals, was the floor doctor who quietly sat next to me day after day talking to me like a family member concerned and befuddled about my illness. Within the first week he consulted a gastroenterologist and brought in a surgeon Dr. Nakazato to look at the test results and talk to me about what he might do. Eventually I would met his anesthesiologist and for several weeks each doctor would almost daily give me updates on tests and answer any questions I might have. I bonded with them and joined their team.


So when I got that Friday call I already new the game plan, confident surgery would work and clear on the next steps. I think back to these doctor visits, those quiet moments where trust and faith were born. Was it accidental or deliberate? The North West team of Doctors that are a part of my team are amazing... I have Cancer...... so what?

Chapter 1 "Halloween turns real scary"

The beginning of this whole thing - that's without consulting my pancreas, was the day I found out just how warm and comforting morphine can be to an abdominal spearing pain. What would become one of four trips to the ER over 60 days began on Friday - Halloween night. From my perspective it was 12 hours in length, most of which was feeling the benefits of a retreating morphine high slowly returning me to what I thought was a boxing match I was losing to relentless stomach shots. The comedy of this whole thing came only in the presence of dressed up werewolves, superman heroes and the like, most in some level of inebriation seeking as I was the care of doctors, and relief from pain. Since I slept through most of it, Chris can give a better account of just how bizarre that day/night was.

I pretty much discharged myself on Sunday, convincing myself and all others that the worst was over and little if nothing more needed to be done than to be careful about my diet. Was I ever wrong. On Monday I was back at ER, another marathon that included again that spearing pain and the need for morphine. Chris, who for the second time, left work, endured the hard chairs next to me in a hallway bed, hospital chaos all around us, sat with me, held my hand, and gave me courage and never faltered from asking a nurse or whoever to take care of any need that I had.

This admission lasted longer than a weekend with many highs and lows for the next 21 days. For me, as I look back at it, what impacted me most was my relationship and respect for Chris and how I totally needed to draw on her energy. She was there for me every step of the way. The times when I was short, frustrated or just plain cantankerous she just dealt with it. I came to discover a new side of her where her shoulders were wide and her heart was strong. I will talk of angels in my story; I want you to know I married one. Thank you God.

First Update

Congratulations for finding my Blog. I was encouraged by a very close friend Kara to create a blog to give everyone updates, provide some amusing anecdotes about my adventure and to keep the creative juices flowing in me - I need a video camera not fonts and words but I will give it my best.

I feel like a script writer in "LOST" needing to go back in time to create the context for the events of today. So forgive me if I digress (not today) but I would say I'm on Chapter III, "Chemo and Radiation Begins".

For the next five weeks, every day I'm at UMC promptly at 8:50 am for Tomotherapy radiation treatment. But before that, 30 minutes after eating breakfast I take four "Cap a side of bean - my translation" or commonly called the chemo pills, which because I am so pragmatic I have to say costs about $20 a pill. I will be taking 210 pills by the end of week five, Thank you. United Health Care prescription plan -for me only a co-pay of $20 dollars. But let me say this radiation machine is very precise, referencing the exact location by three tattoo's I proudly now have on the sides and front of my stomach. Each treatment requires some fine adjustment, and in I go into this cylinder, hearing this small locomotive sound move around my torso, six minutes where I get the feeling that my tummy is cooking. I've played three golf courses in my mind -places that give great peace. today was Roseland, yesterday Ridgetown and on Monday Indian Hills. I'm feeling OK after the treatment, driving myself back to the house and laying low. Forget about swimming right now which I originally thought could be a part of my daily routine. Maybe next week. But today, I've started my blog.

I do hope you enjoy and find some connection as I retell me "Mixing it up with PC".